Just One More Time
by Kikeri Ki
Summary: oneshot Always the funny guy, trying to get a laugh. But hiding a dark secret.


**Just One More Time**

**(A/N: I swear nothing I have ever wrote is this dark, but sometimes you just got to let your emotions out. So right now I feel pretty (cough) crappy and so the story…rated for cutting, and not an average story (at least I don't think) usually it's Raven but now…well you'll find out…)**

**(Disclaimer: Do I really have to put this here? (Bob: yes you do!) Oh all right I don't own the Teen Titans!)**

I watch as the warm blood trickles from the fresh wound and I softly smile, as the stream flows to a stop, and dries cold, a release for the tension and pain that I feel on a constant basis. On the outside, I try to be the funny guy, the one who makes people laugh, but on the inside, there are conflicting emotions, ones that I must cut away in order to be that funny dude.

I know the others are worried about me. I can see it in their eyes, they all want to ask me but I won't say a word. I'm just glad I wear long sleeves; they cover up my pain and suffering. It's immoral and unthinkable, I tell myself as the razor sinks in, bringing raw pain and relief. And I know that it is, but every time I try and stop, the ache comes back and I must tighten it back into my soul. Raven told me once that it's ok to let the Beast out sometimes, but I can't do that with my sorrow and pain. It's just not the same.

I've always wanted to stop, every time I pick up the gleaming blade I pause and think for a moment. The consequences and unthinkable things that I am doing, but I just don't give a damn anymore! Nobody knows what I think and I don't think they would care. Everyday is a nightmare and at night I cry, about the failure I have become. Sure I'm part of the best team in the world but deep down I don't belong here. I'm the worst super hero imaginable. I can't beat anyone by myself; I always have to rely on others. On my own I'd never make it and that's what eats me up inside, the fact that in the real world I won't survive.

I stare at my arms, green mingling with the white scars of past bloodshed. There is no pattern, lines crisscrossing here and there and the new scars pink and old scars white as snow. Some are deep and others lightly skimmed across the skin. Those are the ones that hurt the most, the ones that don't do me any good.

I don't much leave this room anymore. The other Titans try to get me to talk and come out, but I won't let them. Somehow they'd be able to see my sorrow, all my rage, pain and frustration, all in little white and pink cuts on my arm. Sometimes I flirt with the idea of pushing that razor deeper into my skin, cutting off the flow of blood, and leaving this world forever. Death has never been a sweeter word. I think I would do it too, if it wasn't for…someone…one person who might care.

If I told anyone, they'd send me to the nut house I'm sure. Or else take away the source, the bloodied razor blade that has been my existence for at least two months. No one in the tower would ever understand. Robin looks down on me, and would get all leader like, stopping me from missions, and getting me to therapy, Cyborg is my big brother, he'd protect me and even try and interfere, Starfire…she wouldn't know what to do, being an alien and all, and would voice her worries, probably to Robin, so that leave just Raven…

I have thought about telling her. Sometimes I feel that maybe she would understand. Other times though she is the cause of the problem, by her insults of me and my character. Even so she is the person who I have thought twice or more about telling.

_Knock, Knock _the metallic ring echoes in my room. I quickly hide my 'tool' and arms as Raven pokes her head through

"You all right?" she sounds concerned, "you look pale, and you haven't come out of your room for quite some time,"

"I'm fine," my voice comes out as a low whisper, as I turn my head to the floor

"Listen Beast Boy, you can't shun us forever. If you need someone to talk to, I will always be there for you." She opens the door fully and stands in the doorway, staring at me.

"I just fine, just leave me alone!" my voice sounds cruel and unloving. I can see that she's hurt; pain flickering briefly through her violet eyes as she swiftly turns and heads out the door, probably to her own room. I feel regret about yelling at her but I can't let her know, even if she's the only one whom I've ever…well

I pick up my razor. The blood has dried brown and I make one more cut, just one more, and I'm through, ha! Yeah I should just keep telling myself that. I start at the red black line that forms in the darkness of my room. I never wanted this to go this far. It's an obsession now, I must feel the pain, but I've had enough. I just want this nightmare to be over and I know the person who can solve my problems. Grabbing my razor, the tool that has haunted me for two long months, I head to Raven's room and knock on the door. She answers it, confusion is written all over her face as she allows me to enter her room. I hold out my hand, the blood stained razor, still gleaming slightly, is now a secret no more.

"What…?" she's confused and shocked as I push up my sleeves, revealing my scars. She gasps putting a hand over her mouth, and the shock in her eyes deepens to fear. She regains control and reaches out and hugs me. Now it's me who's in shock, as she gives me as small kiss. I start to sob, tears stream down my face as she holds me close, and whispers in my ear,

"It'll be all right,"

**(A/N: how did you like it? please review!)**


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